Gloomy. Sadness. Depression. No matter what word you label it with, it’s a hard place to be in no matter what the situation. True that people may be feeling these emotions over completely different things, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t affecting you. You are an individual. You will experience things differently. You will have your own coping methods. No one can tell you what to do or how to deal with your own personal demons, no matter how much advice you seek from those around you. The harsh reality is, is you must figure things out on your own to really sit back at the end of the day and know what’s happened has been resolved. Your own step is the only step that will matter on the road to your eventual mental happiness – it isn’t going to be handed to you on a silver platter and served to you by silver spoon. You are strong and you can pull yourself out of this.
I’ve had my fair share of demons to battle during 2015. Perhaps its the reason for my little to non-existent motivation to write. My lack of inspiration in life. The complete disappearance of any kind of natural pleasure in simple daily activities. I sought after advice and I followed closely but I could never feel accomplished. I never felt like I truly resolved my overwhelming problematic voices whispering in my ear that I was nothing. I got rid of the problems that affected everyone else. For example, my moods. My changing moods, panic attacks and outburst of tears got… “irritating,” as they say. So I tried to eradicate them and in response I faked my happiness. I pretended I was okay until I was alone in my own four walls with nothing and no one but myself. It’s like having to wear a mask to cover up your true self. It crippled me. Paralyzed me until I realised that the phrase “just be happy” was my problem.
People will tell you time and time again to “just be happy.” They repeat it over and over again, as if it’s the easiest thing to do. They’ll say they’ve been through it – they may even say they’ve been through worse – but they are NOT you. They coped with it, or they are coping with it in their own way and it’s only fair to let yourself as an individual find yourself and what will help you. You like reading a book? Go ahead. Take that time and read for endless hours until your head is filled with elegant vocabulary and the voices that whisper are characters. You like films? Watch them. Watch their sequels. Watch what came before them. Shape your dreams into what you want and go where you want to be. You don’t have to live by someone else’s standards of “just be happy.” Being comfortable isn’t wearing a mask, its knowing you. And knowing you is the first real step to shaping your own mental stability.
Something I want to point out though… You are not alone. You can talk and you can rant. You can post a blog post to get what it is off your chest. Whether you read this or you quickly scroll past, just know that I am here for you. You are beautiful and you are special to me. No matter who you are or if I have spoken with you or not. Your happiness matters to me, and if you’re not happy then I’m here to wish you all the luck in finding that happiness. This is our journey, and I’ll walk it hand in hand with each and every one of you.