Dear Diary, I cannot fathom my own thoughts. No amount of time has helped me progress the understanding of the mismatched constellations inside my own head.
In the last few weeks, the lines between doing something because it’s the right thing to do and doing something because you feel like you have to has become somewhat blurred. It’s never easy to try and detangle your thoughts after months of justifying the pressure that’s been placed on you and actually deciding whether it’s right or wrong. Anyone knows that trying to comprehend the thoughts that are disorganised and misplaced somewhere within the cells of your mind is like trying to detangle sewing cotton after it’s been stretched and rolled into a ball… It feels impossible. But when you look a little closer at the factors that has caused the tangling, the reasons as to why this started then things start to make a little sense.
I’m writing this mainly to get my own thoughts out there. To be able to write and be heard so that people in the same predicament or a similar situation actually takes a step back and sees it for what it really is. You can want to do something, but it may not be the right thing to do. Feeling forced or being guilted into doing something is only going to end badly and what you’re currently feeling will only ever worsen. Take time to realise what the consequences will be: will you be happy if you go through with it? will it makes things worse? will it make things better? do you want to do it, or do you feel like you have to?