Let’s talk about: Fear.

I wanted to stay away from these kinds of posts for awhile, especially during a time when I’m attempting to concentrate on rebuilding myself as a writer, and most importantly, enjoying it again. I finished university and spent the last three years having all these great ideas for stories, but no effort to write them – because I was already working on the first project I started, which I eventually started to hate. Hey, that’s the life of being a writer, isn’t it? Or not. I’m still figuring it on.

But I digress, fear is the topic of this week. And fear has been overwhelming in the day-to-day lives of some. Even more so now, when there has been attacks in places there shouldn’t have been (although there shouldn’t be any, full stop), an increase in armed police on our streets ensuring our safety and terror threats shutting down events at even the slightest whoft. It’s crazy, and it does scare me. It scares me because there are people experiencing things that should never be experienced. It breaks my heart thinking about the war-torn countries that I’ve never visited. The families that watch bombs drop while their kids are out playing, or in school, or at a friends. The people just waiting for the tragedy to happen to them, because they live in such an awful place that it’s just a matter of time to lose someone they know. It honestly hurts me to think about the pain that these people go through. My entire body feels limp when I hear about bombs and threats on the news – Paris, Manchester, Kabul, Syria to name a few. The lists grows every single day, and it’s heartbreaking. I don’t need to go into reasons why it’s heartbreaking and explain every emotion I feel at every “BREAKING NEWS” article or news clip that I see. You know how I feel, or at least I hope you do. We need more people to feel this way. To feel empathy and love and care for all types of people from all types of places.

I write this because today, Rock AM Ring got shut down on it’s first evening because of a terror threat. Tens of thousands of fans evacuated from the site, and in that little bit of unity singing “You Will Never Walk Alone.” I can’t begin to imagine the fear the people of RAR must of felt. They didn’t know the details, they only knew it was a terror threat, but there they were all standing side by side and making a terrible situation that little bit better. I can tell you now, that while I hate the thought of fear holding people back, I would have been the first person to start crying.

Now, I travel to Austria in eleven days for Nova Rock Festival in Nickelsdorf. My biggest fear up until this point was attempting to find my way around a foreign country to get from Vienna airport to Pannonia Fields I. I’ll admit, I saw the tweets come rolling in about RAR and my stomach churned. I was at the exact festival last year, almost going again this year until we seen the Nova Rock line-up. But this isn’t about me, I was just shocked that it happened, as would anyone. Here’s a little backstory to why I decided to write about this topic:

I told my mother about it. I told her that RAR was shut down and everyone needed to be evacuated, and she told me I wasn’t going to Austria. Bad luck, mum, I’m going no matter what. I wouldn’t miss Green Day and Blink-182 headlining a festival for anything. So, she gets mad, telling me I shouldn’t have told her. And I probably shouldn’t have, because I know it’s just going to make her worry more about me when I’m away. She doesn’t like me going into the city center on my own. She didn’t want me to work this weekend because of the UEFA Championships. I don’t have that kind of fear, and that’s what I want to talk about it.

I don’t know how it feels to have that kind of fear. To have a voice in the back of your head telling you all the things that could go wrong. The constant whispering. To let that voice stop you from doing the things you need to do. Since the Manchester attack, so many people have sold their gig tickets. Slam Dunk, Blink-182, Download. I’ve seen the tickets go up for sale left, right and center. I don’t know why I don’t feel it, but I won’t let my life be stopped because of a threat, or a risk, or whatever you want to call it. I can’t stop these things from happening, but I can try my best to enjoy what little pleasure the world has left to offer and hope for the best.

I can’t guarantee that I won’t walk two steps out of my house and get run over by a crazed driver. I can’t guarantee that I won’t go to work one day and be stabbed by some high chick. I can’t guarantee that I won’t take my dogs for a walk and get mauled by some super-cute German Sheppard. There are a thousand ways I could meet my demise – but all those ways I could at whatever time of day, isn’t going to stop me. Sure, I’ll be on edge and I’ll be extra vigilant – just like any other person that’s heard of all these attacks. But these things aren’t written in stone. Imagine putting something off because it happened somewhere else, to find out later that it went ahead and it was just as amazing as you thought. Wouldn’t that suck? I know the risks that travelling provides. I know that I could get lost in a random city, get mugged because of my vulnerability of a foreign country. My plane could crash land. My bus could catch fire. My head could explode into a thousand pieces because I overthought everything and it’s frazzled my brain. And I know the risk of evacuation – but I trust in those who aim to protect us to do just that. I trust the goodness in the majority of people to guide and help me. I’m not afraid, because all I want to do is to experience what I can before it all turns into hell. That’s all I want to do. And I suggest we all do it, because by giving into fear, is giving these people who want to ruin our world, exactly what they want. We can’t give in to that, otherwise we’re handing them our lives.

Ramblings

“These streets are your streets, this earth is your earth.”

Let’s get this straight – everyone with any fragment of common sense knows that discrimination is the worst. It’s a form of unnessacary hate and used by those with a lack of education and pent up anger without any real direction to aim it. It’s like people hating cats because they’re a dog person – one cat may have wanted to scratch your eyes out but not all cats want you dead like that one tabby did. No need to hate the entire species.

Fortunately, we’re in a time where there are more people living alongside each other with respect, but unfortunately, there are still people who think they’re some sort of gods gift to the world and they deserve a whole lot more than others. Those people are, quite frankly, a swarm of house-flies breeding uncontrolably and getting into places you wish they’d just stay away from, like, well, society. There’s the ones that hate gays, the ones that hate blacks, the ones that hates asians, muslims, women, men, curvy girls, bulky men, skinny girls and short guys. There are even people who hate pugs, can you believe it? Neither can I. Mind, I can’t fathom why people can hate someone they’ve never actually met.

Here’s my issue: a person is NOT defined by their looks, their religion, their culture, their skin colour or even their music taste. A person is made up of them – and by that I mean their personality, their humour, their mind, their hopes and dreams. Under whatever attire they wear, under their skin, they are the same as you. The same as me. The same as Shakespeare and the same as every celebrity walking down the red carpet. We have bones, veins and a beating heart that pumps the blood around our functioning bodies. We are the same – please, for the love every small puppy and purring kitten, keep that in mind.

Those who have been the victim of discrimination, whatever the reason, I pray that one day you’ll never have to feel that way again. I also know that a majority of you are the kind of people that would rather educate than fight fire with fire, but there are some who aren’t. And how are we, as living and breathing human beings – how people have come to the conclusion that fighting dicrimination with further discrimination is beyond me. Understandably, it’s the concept of giving others the taste of their own medicine, but does that actually work? No, it creates more animosity. The divide that’s already lingering and has been lingering for decades upon decades only grows bigger. This is not how we should be dealing with it.

In a perfect world, everyone would live happily next to each other. Every person in this world would sit side by side with the ability to respect and accept every difference. But until we learn that education, knowledge and compassion is the most powerful way of tackeling these issues – by giving these hateful people what they want (and most of all, that is a reaction generated through anger) is only making it worse. We need to stand by each other, learn that love is love and if there are people that don’t love you, then show them it’s their loss for not loving you.

Each and every person is beautiful. You’re worth the earth, so please, don’t let the ugliness of others turn you the same way. I stand by you, and so do a million others.

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Loneliness isn’t the problem, but finding the right help is.

Despite the rising awareness of mental health conditions, they are still disregarded and swept under the rug more times than not. There are still people wondering what to do and who to turn to when all else has failed – and failing can be a part of the end problem that’s ultimately tearing you up. No person should be expected – or belittled – for opening up to their emotions and feelings and admitting what’s really going on. Admitting to what feels like a weakness is already a difficult task, and admitting that weakness out loud shouldn’t feel like a joke. A person shouldn’t be made to feel ridiculous, dramatic, hopeless and they should not be made to feel alone. A person goes through an abundance of stages and emotions before they finally pluck up the courage to talk about it – so why should they feel that in the end, it was the worst idea they could have done?

There’s the exaggerated happiness, the forcing yourself and others around you to believe that happy and fine. The indecisive motivation telling you that you need to get up and do something, but you could wait a day or two to get that done. Locking yourself away at certain times just because it all gets too much and therefore snapping when someone tries to invade your space. The easily irritated, pushing the best of people in your life away. Dealing with it in your own way, writing to a blank piece of paper that cannot talk, that will soak up the sink and leave you yet again stranded in your own mind. Seeing friends but feeling guilty when you feel more of a downer than a bundle of joy. You get the point, a person has to deal with a lot of things before they finally open their mouth as a plea for help and being shut down at the end of it – to be disregarded as if a family had just reconsidered their decision to adopt a puppy. It’s only confirming what they already thought; that they have to go through this alone otherwise they deal with the consequences of being looked down upon, to be told that they’re over dramatic. It doesn’t just stop because it was an inconvenience for someone, we’ll just go back to pretending that we’re okay just so they can’t get ridiculed again.

People feel this way for different reasons, and it’s unfair to be judged about your own situation compared to someone else’s. Oh, I see, you’ve been through worse, so that’s why I cannot feel the way I do and ask for your help because you deem me unworthy of such compassion? Well shucks, here’s a medal and a one-way ticket to “Get-So-Far-Away-From-Me.” It doesn’t matter if you’re feeling the way you do because you’ve had a string of unfortunate events happen to you throughout your life or if you’re recently going through a rough patch, you are entitled to feel the way you do and do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

There are still too many of us finding the way out in all the wrong places. Loneliness isn’t the problem, but finding the right help is.

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